We Are Always Forever Read online

  “Okay, I understand. Just… when you do want to talk, I need you to know I’m ready to listen. Whatever you have to say, I’m here for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  He took a deep breath, shaking off the somber feeling that had made itself at home with us. When he spoke next, he was back to his usual self. “I’m going out to the farm tomorrow, do you want to come with me?”

  The farm was his newest project. The city was running out of food leftover from the adults. He had secured a farming community to help produce enough fruit, vegetables, and grains to feed everyone. It was still in the early stages, the season not conducive for planting crops yet.

  “I have to go back to the library, I can’t go with you,” I stated. I had been spending every day in the small, hidden room of the library ever since Oliver left. I was there at first light the next day after he crossed and every day after.

  “You can escape for one day.”

  “One day is too many.”

  He chuckled under his breath like I was a puzzle he was never going to quite figure out. “I need you to come to the farm, Everly. They’ll be expecting both of us.”

  “They won’t even notice I’m not there.”

  “Fine, then I want you there. I’d prefer not to go alone, there’s safety in numbers.”

  I arched my eyebrows in disbelief. Now I knew he was just making things up. Nobody dared mess with Jet, everyone knew his reputation. “You think I could protect you?”

  He nudged me with his shoulder. “You can be pretty scary sometimes.”

  There was nothing to do but shake my head.

  “Come on, Everly. You can’t stay cooped up in that room forever, it will do you good to be out in the open for a while. It’ll only take a few hours.”

  It would take all day. Now who was lying?

  “I can’t.”

  “Please? For me?”

  He gave me a look that would make the stoniest of hearts melt. His eyes pleaded far louder than any words he could speak. Perhaps, if it was just one day, and it was helping feed the kids, I could do it.

  Jet was a hard guy to say no to.

  “Fine,” I sighed. I was going to point out that he would owe me one for agreeing to go but the words caught in my throat. Jet had willingly helped me go up against a demon. If anything, the favors were still pressed in his direction.

  “Great.” Silence settled between us as Jet picked at his fingernails. There was something he was holding back but I wasn’t sure why.

  “Anything else going on?” I prompted, holding my breath while I waited for an answer.

  His gaze met mine for only a moment before he averted his eyes back to his hand. “I found out who stole all the supplies in the warehouse.”

  That definitely was news. Someone had stolen an entire factory full of food and supplies. They’d robbed hundreds of kids of everything essential to live. Jet had invested a lot of time accumulating the stock and I knew he made it a personal mission of his to find out who was behind the theft.

  “It was Taz. He stole it all.”

  Taz.

  One name that could instill more fear in me than any other. He had tried to assault me once and kill me another time. To say he had it out for me was a severe understatement.

  I involuntarily started shaking, having to hold my hands together so Jet didn’t notice. “It doesn’t surprise me it was him. What did you do?”

  “Made it clear he wasn’t welcome in this city anymore.”

  He didn’t need to elaborate.

  I didn’t want to hear anything further.

  “Good,” I replied.

  Jet nodded, keeping his rage well hidden. “Let’s get some sleep and we’ll leave at the first sign of the sun in the morning.” He moved to lie down, realized he couldn’t with me blocking his way, and indicated for me to move.

  He was so presumptuous inviting himself to stay the night. He did that all the time, never once actually asking me if it was okay. I shuffled out of his way and he lay with his back against the cold concrete wall.

  The truth was I didn’t mind.

  The truth was I liked it when he stayed over.

  He was warm and safe. Jet made the apartment a thousand times less lonely. But I would never tell him that, I wouldn’t tell anyone that. It felt like a betrayal to Oliver, like I was cheating on him just by enjoying Jet’s company.

  I lay down, my back to his front, as his arm went over my waist and pulled me close against him. He reached forward and pulled the blanket over us.

  I hoped he couldn’t hear my heart thudding away in my chest, speeding up just because he was so close. I didn’t want it to react that way. I wanted to feel nothing about his presence, be numb and indifferent.

  But I did.

  The nights when Jet didn’t ask my permission and stayed in the apartment, cuddled up to my back and warming me so much better than a blanket, were so much better than every other night. So, so much better.

  And I hated it.

  His breathing became rhythmic and smooth, his breath skimming the skin on the back of my neck and sending goosebumps flying in its wake.

  I closed my eyes and tried not to notice.

  Sleep came rapidly, pulling me under and gripping me tightly through the darkness of my dreams. Oliver made a lot of appearances in my nighttime thoughts. Sometimes we were reliving memories made long ago, messing around after school, teasing Faith, and having fun.

  Other times, he was nothing more than a walking skeleton, his skinless face speaking with his voice but otherwise not resembling him at all. Those dreams would taunt me, mocking my grief and everything we had shared.

  Tonight there were no nightmares. Just sleep with a warm arm draped over my waist and holding me together.

  Jet was awake before me. When my bleary eyes blinked to see the apartment awash with the first rays of sunlight, he was holding my cooking pot intently.

  I sat up, running a hand through my hair to try to straighten it. Judging by Jet’s messy mop of hair, he hadn’t even bothered with that.

  “Sleeping Beauty’s awake!” he said, way too cheerily for so early in the day.

  “’Morning.”

  He held up the pot. “I’ve made breakfast. Canned mushrooms, yum yum.”

  Once, the thought of eating slimy mushrooms for breakfast would have turned my stomach. Now, I was hungry enough to eat anything at any time.

  Jet brought the pot over and we ate together on the floor. He was tall and broad shouldered, his body a mass of muscles. But he always made sure I had enough to eat before finishing what food we had.

  He thought I didn’t notice.

  But I wasn’t stupid. I always pretended to be full when I wasn’t. He needed more food than I did, and so many more people were relying on his health than mine. Those relying on me were already dead. His were alive, they still had a chance.

  “We’ll leave whenever you’re ready,” Jet said as I took the pot to wash it out.

  He had already changed, washed too if the lingering smell of soap in the air was anything to go by. He never asked my permission about leaving things in my apartment, he just went ahead and did it.

  I quickly washed with a cold bucket of water and changed into some clothes that almost resembled clean. There wasn’t much I could do with my hair so I pulled it back into a high ponytail and tied it with a rubber band.

  Jet was twisting the car keys around his finger when I returned to the living room. “Ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  He pulled the door open and waved me along. He used his own key to lock it again once we were through. I really needed to steal that key away from him sometime.

  Riding in a car was a luxury I could never get used to anymore. It was so rare to see one working that it was almost a miracle being inside the yellow Audi Jet drove. I didn’t know where he kept it when he wasn’t using it but it had to be one of the most secure places in the city.

  We had driven the h
ighway only once since initially visiting the farm. After the first time, we had a clear path through all the cars that had been there since the Event. They were nothing more than coffins now, but we could zip through them without lingering with the dead.

  Jet was still cautious. Speed limits didn’t matter anymore and there was no traffic but he was constantly on alert for dangers anyway. He took no chances with our safety when it came to the road.

  It took four hours to reach the farm. The drive through the countryside was pleasant but my guilt about taking the day off from my research still panged within. If I enjoyed myself, the guilt would be even worse.

  As the fields floated by outside, the first signs of the change in seasons was starting to make itself noticed. There was no snow out here, just grass and open plains ready to come alive with the regeneration of spring. Trees that looked like naked skeletons twisted with outstretched arms were ready to be dressed and flourish with leaves.

  Everything was holding its breath, ready to exhale and preen with new life.

  The earth didn’t care about the Event. The dirt paid no attention to the death of all the adults and the sky certainly didn’t care about the suffering of the kids.

  It was somewhat reassuring.

  No matter what the humans got up to, no matter how the spirits suffered, flowers would continue to bloom and the grass would continue to grow.

  We were nothing, insignificant in the scheme of things.

  “It looks promising, huh?” Jet said, interrupting my thoughts before they could get carried away with the change of season.

  It took me a moment to work out what he was talking about, to remember where we were going. “The fields should be ready to plant soon, right?”

  He nodded happily, stealing a glance my way and tearing his eyes from the road only momentarily. “They will. Liev should have a plan ready. That’s why I needed to see him today.”

  That’s why he needed to see Liev, but I still wasn’t sure why I had to see him too.

  We pulled into the dirt road that led to the farmhouse. We could drive right up to the structure now, not scared of being unwelcome. Those that lived on the farm property were fiercely protective of the place, not afraid to take a life and ask questions later.

  Much like most of the population now.

  Liev greeted us personally as we knocked on the front door. He ushered us straight through to the communal living room and insisted we take a seat.

  Jet sat next to me on the two-seater sofa, his arm casually draping around me. We always pretended to be a couple when visiting the farm. Jet claimed it helped them trust us, that a couple was more dependable than a solo male.

  “I was hoping you’d drop in,” Liev started. He had a limp, which was new. I wanted to ask him how he obtained it but held my tongue. “We’re getting ready to work the soil and prepare it for planting.”

  “I can see the weather is being kind to you,” Jet replied.

  Liev nodded, his eyes much wiser than the actual years he had racked up. “The universe is giving us a break, for once. How are things in the city?”

  “Same old but with less food.”

  “Jet!” Kendall’s shrill voice cut through the air like a knife as she spotted her visitor. She flounced in as Jet quickly stood to give her a hug. She held on for just that little bit longer than she should have.

  “Good to see you, Kendall.” He patted her back and was released so he could resume his seat. His arm went back around me.

  Kendall sat in the seat closest to Jet. Of course. She didn’t acknowledge my existence. “I’ve started planting flowers out the back. I found some seeds, you’ll have to take a look before you go.”

  “I’d like that,” Jet replied, flashing her a smile before turning his attention back to Liev. “Why don’t you explain your plans a little further?”

  Liev was all too happy to comply. He spoke with elaborate hand gestures, punctuating every word with a shake of a finger. His eyes were wide, his face alive. It was starkly apparent that Liev was in his element. He lived for his farm, no matter what else was going on in the world.

  He explained his plans in great detail, I tuned out after he listed all the different crops he was planning. It was only making me hungry hearing of fresh fruit and vegetables. We hadn’t had that kind of food in the city for a very long time.

  The longer he spoke, the more confidence I had in his plan. Liev might have only had fourteen months of farming experience but he hadn’t wasted those months. He had honed his skills, learned everything he could while feeding his new family.

  The dead owners of the property listened intently to the discussion from behind his armchair. The man and woman nodded along, giving their stamp of approval as Liev spoke. I tried not to look at them, lest they know I could see them, so they were always there. Every other time I had visited they stayed in the kitchen. Either they were bored or interested now.

  When Liev was finished, Jet had only one question for him. “Do you have enough workers?”

  “I could do with a few more. The ones you sent have done good, but they won’t be enough,” Liev replied. “You could send them out with that tractor you owe me.”

  The tractor, of course, Liev hadn’t forgotten. In exchange for providing food, Jet had promised to give him pieces of machinery he needed to make life easier on the farm. Fuel was also in the bargain.

  “I’ll get on it as soon as I get back to the city,” Jet said sincerely. He didn’t play games. He could be tricky to understand at times, but he didn’t mess with people.

  Liev pushed to his feet. “I’ll be glad to have it and the additional workers. Now, come on, I’ll show you the progress we’ve made already.”

  Kendall couldn’t stand fast enough. “And I’ll show you my flowers.”

  We stood to follow them. As we did, Jet’s hand slid into mine, his fingers linking through my own. He was making a show, convincing them we were a united, stable front.

  Nothing more.

  It was only for show.

  Liev limped outside to the large balcony and faced the fields surrounding the house. There was absolutely no snow, the grounds clear and ready for planting. It looked like a completely different landscape to when I last saw it in the middle of winter.

  “We’ll put the vegetable crops closest to the house and the grain crops further out. You can already see the fruit trees to the side.” Liev pointed out the areas as he spoke. In his mind, he could probably already imagine how everything would look. The barren dirt would be transformed into green and lush crops, colorful once the vegetables started growing.

  He wasn’t growing just food, but hope, too.

  “It’s so exciting. You’re going to have to visit more often,” Kendall added. She was standing too close to Jet. Way too close. Her big breasts kept brushing his chest. I wanted to slap her away.

  But we were only pretending.

  It was all for show.

  Only for show.

  “I’m sure my workers will do more good here than I can,” Jet replied, laughing through the words. “But you’ll have to send updates back to the city if you need anything.”

  “Maybe I could visit sometime.” She smiled too widely.

  “Anytime.”

  Never.

  Before I could really get worked up about the idea of Kendall in the city – my city – I remembered it would be nearly impossible. She didn’t have a car and she certainly wouldn’t walk the distance without collapsing halfway with the exertion.

  Still… she could hitch a ride with a worker.

  I didn’t want to think about it.

  Jet gave my hand a squeeze, bringing me back to reality again. “You’re always welcome too, Liev. My door is always open.”

  Liev waved his words away to be picked up in the breeze. “Thanks, but I like it here. I’m a country boy, through and through.”

  We were given the grand tour of the farm. I wasn’t paying much attention. Between the feel of Jet�
�s hand in mine and watching Kendall throw herself at him, I was kept largely distracted. The dirt patches all looked the same anyway.

  The only thing Liev didn’t explain in too much detail was the red barn at the back of the property. He had skirted it deftly, giving it a wide berth.

  “What do you keep in the shed?” I asked. They were the first words to pass my lips in over an hour.

  Everyone looked at the barn, the giant white elephant. Something passed over Liev’s face when he glanced at it and then back at me. I couldn’t understand what it was. Uncertainty? Disapproval? Annoyance? I wasn’t sure.

  He cleared his throat before replying. “Nothing, it’s empty.”

  “That’s a big barn to just be empty.”

  “Are you calling me a liar?”

  Jet gave my hand a gentle tug. “That’s not what she meant,” he said, trying to smooth over the sudden tension crackling in the air. “Everly just meant that it would be a shame for it to stay empty. Maybe you could keep the new machinery in there? That’s what you meant. Right, Ever?”

  It wasn’t.

  But I didn’t want to stuff up the tenuous agreement we had.

  “Of course,” I said with a smile. “It’s lucky you have somewhere safe to store things.”

  Liev narrowed his eyes for a moment longer before relaxing. His shoulders went down, his smile returned. “I’m sure our new machinery will look good in there.”

  We moved on as I let out the breath I was holding. I remained silent for the rest of the tour. I didn’t even say anything when Kendall showed us her spectacular flower bed.

  It had one daisy bush in it.

  And it was dying already.

  We said goodbye to Liev and Kendall inside the house before leaving. Jet still held my hand all the way back to the car even though nobody could see us anymore.

  I didn’t point that out to him.

  He let me go, only to open my door for me. He closed it again once I was safely tucked inside.

  Sliding into the driver’s side, he quickly started down the driveway. “I want to check on the silo before we head back. Okay?”