I Am Never Alone Read online

  “Come with me,” she said.

  Out of respect for the librarian, I returned the books I had out to their rightful places on the shelves. I didn’t want to give her any reason to turn on me. She already seemed to be walking on the edge of a dime and I didn’t want to tip her over either way.

  She waited patiently, like she had all the time in the world for me. I guess she did unless I helped her.

  While she glided, I walked behind her. The coldness she left in her wake chilled me right down to my bones. From what I gathered through Oliver, the longer a spirit was trapped on earth, the colder it grew. Oliver was quite warm in comparison to the older ghosts. If I had to guess, the librarian was probably dead long before the Event.

  She led through to the back of the library, past all the stacks and to a private area once cordoned off to the public. I had to skirt the balustrades while she passed right through them.

  My sensibilities told me I shouldn’t be going with her. It was too cold, I didn’t know her, the rooms were too dark and open for hiding things that might attack.

  But I kept going anyway.

  She promised answers if I did.

  Through several rooms that appeared to be for storage, we reached a set of stairs. They led downwards, deep into the depths of the library’s underbelly. They looked like they led right to hell.

  “Flashlight,” the librarian said, pointing to a heavy duty torch swinging on a string attached to the wall. She smiled, showing me all her perfect teeth. “You’re going to need that.”

  I pulled the flashlight from the wall and flicked the switch a few times – it worked. Perhaps she wasn’t leading me to my death after all.

  Or she really wanted me to watch my attack.

  I gulped down the thought and took the steps one at a time. It was eerily quiet back there. We were in the center of the building, no windows lined any of the walls.

  The stairs went on forever. Turning back to see how far I’d come, the top was now just a white glow in the distance. We could have walked halfway to the center of the earth for what it felt like. I hoped I would be able to make it out again sometime.

  The librarian suddenly stopped at a door. “Go inside and you’ll find everything you need.”

  She waited, nodding toward the door and watching me with those birdlike white eyes. I stepped around her, the cold leeching into my body and burying itself in my muscles. I pushed the door and it squeaked open loudly.

  When I turned around again, she was gone.

  A shiver ran down my spine.

  I pushed on into the room, sweeping the walls with the flashlight. I almost hit the ceiling as the door creaked behind me. It thudded closed, an ominous echo bouncing off the walls.

  My breath hitched in my throat as my heartbeat went racing. No spirit had scared me that much since I first started seeing them. I couldn’t help the impulse, I tried the door handle – it turned. At least she hadn’t locked me inside to starve or suffocate to death.

  I took a few breaths to calm myself down and get a hold on myself again. If there were answers down here, I needed to think rationally and find them. Panicking wasn’t going to do anything helpful.

  This time when I swept the room with the light, I actually paid attention. The walls were lined with bookcases much like in the main library upstairs. The books, however, were another story. They were old.

  Very, very old.

  I started with the shelves closest to the door, reading the titles on the leather bound spines. Some were so cracked with age they were unreadable. The gold imprints on others were worn away a long time ago.

  History of the Occult, one read. Of Angels on high, Elementary Magic, and Farseers’ journey were some of the others.

  These weren’t ordinary books.

  I realized why they were hidden far underneath the library. They were all about the occult, potentially dangerous if they found themselves in the wrong hands. I was surprised the librarian had trusted me enough to allow me free access to them.

  She had probably spent a lifetime protecting them.

  No wonder she took her job so seriously.

  The second revelation was even more startling. These books were exactly what I was looking for. They had to hold the answers I was seeking, just like she said.

  With that knowledge, I started scanning through the books in earnest. I needed to find anything I could about Kostucha and I needed to do it before the sun went down. If I had to return again, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to face the librarian for a second time.

  The first book that looked promising was called Otherworldly Creatures. I pulled it from the shelf and balanced the old book on the edge. It smelled musty and was spotted with brown marks on the pages. The leaves were so thin I feared they might tear with every page turn.

  The book had been hand printed with long cursive writing making it difficult to read. It was a slow process deciphering just a few lines.

  Still, I forced myself to read as much as I could and not skim too much. I didn’t want to miss something and it seemed like it would be really easy to do just that.

  According to the book all kinds of creatures roamed the earth. Whether they be demons or angels, they were said to exist in the shadows of humans. A whole world living alongside our own, functioning with as much life as us.

  It was mind boggling.

  But there was nothing about Kostucha. I replaced the book and took the next one that looked promising.

  There were plenty of details about demons in the books that followed. The general consensus was they were evil, somehow associated with Lucifer himself, and able to manipulate humans to assist with their bidding.

  Just the kind of entity that would cause the Event.

  I absorbed all the information I could, soaking it in like my brain was a sponge. Some of the information had to be useful, I just wasn’t sure which parts yet. The whole thing would have been a lot easier if Jet told me what he knew.

  The longer I sat in the room, the warmer it became. The coldness the librarian had left behind was slowly transforming into the temperature the room should be. Finally, the goosebumps were leaving my skin.

  I lost track of time, my world being absorbed into the books surrounding me. It could have been minutes, but it was more likely hours, that passed. They flew by like they didn’t matter, like time could stand still if I remained silent and calm for long enough.

  One thing started to become apparent around the thirtieth book I scoured through.

  I wasn’t going to find anything on Kostucha.

  If he existed back the hundreds of years when the books were first written, nobody dared to include him. Perhaps they were too terrified to commit his name to paper. Perhaps they hoped he was just a legend, something to fill nightmares and nothing else.

  But the librarian said I would find my answers down here so I knew there had to be something for me to locate. She wouldn’t dare show me her precious secret room if it wasn’t going to help. I got the feeling nothing she did wasn’t deliberate.

  So if I wasn’t going to find details on Kostucha himself, then… what? How could I possibly use the books to help me find him? Learn about him? Locate him? Defeat him?

  The spells.

  It had to be the spells.

  There was a whole section on spells in the room. They weren’t the average love potions or wishes for riches. These were the real deal, written hundreds and hundreds of years ago when witchcraft was performed by real witches. Not the kind who wore black pointy hats and rode on broomsticks.

  I had seen a spell on conjuring demons. They were the ones with cautionary warnings written all over them. I returned to the first book I could remember and flicked to the page I needed. Dust particles floated through the air between the flashlight and the book. My lungs were full of them.

  And there it was. A step by step guide to conjuring a demon by using the element of fire.

  I didn’t have anything to copy down the spell and it was much
too complicated to remember. Before the Event, I cherished books. I wouldn’t even write my name in the front of one for fear of defacing the sacred pages.

  That was before.

  I tore the page from the book, practically hearing it scream. Hopefully I wouldn’t receive the condemnation from centuries of witches for the act.

  I carefully folded it and slipped the page into my pocket. At least I couldn’t go to hell, not unless I managed to work out a way for all the spirits to crossover first.

  The least I could do was replace all the books and leave the room exactly as I had found it. I spent a few minutes lingering there while I did, giving the librarian no reason to start haunting me. Hopefully she wouldn’t find out about the torn page.

  She wasn’t outside hovering like I thought she might be. I climbed all the steps and returned to the main library without seeing her.

  I felt her, though.

  The cold washed over me like a wave on a winter’s day. That wasn’t the worst part. The worst were the eyes. I could feel them on me with every step I took. Everywhere I looked, they were staring back at me.

  White. Nothing but white.

  “Thank you for your help,” I said to the empty room. I would not show any weakness in front of her. I would not let her know she had got to me.

  If I did, it would be all over.

  I left the library and closed the door behind me. Even the snow softly falling to the ground was warmer than the presence of the librarian. I never wanted to go back in there again.

  Hopefully I wouldn’t have to.

  Oliver was waiting for me. His tense face relaxed into a picture of relief when he saw me. “Where were you? I thought something had happened to you.”

  I started walking, keen to put some distance between us and the building. “I was underneath the library. There is a whole secret room full of books on the paranormal.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. The dead librarian showed me down there.”

  Oliver laughed. “Sounds about right. Did you find anything useful?”

  I wasn’t sure how much to tell Oliver. While he wanted me to help the spirits, he didn’t want me putting myself in any unnecessary danger. Conjuring a demon might have fallen into that category.

  But, at the end of the day, we were in it together. I couldn’t keep anything from him. “I found a spell to conjure a demon. I think we can use it to summon Kostucha and find out what his deal is.”

  I shoved my hands in my pockets and continued walking, refusing to look at him. I could imagine the expression on his face and that was enough for now.

  “I think that’s a bad idea,” Oliver finally replied. His voice was taut, straining to get the words out. “There will be other ways to do this.”

  “Like what? I looked through a million books today and there was nothing about Kostucha. Jet won’t tell me anything, so that only leaves going directly to the source.”

  “It’s too dangerous.”

  “And now you sound like Jet.” I stopped to face him, the wind kept blowing my hair over my face and adding to my frustrations. “I have to do something, Oliver. Even if you don’t like it, this is my decision.”

  Even though he clearly didn’t agree, Oliver nodded anyway. He knew how stubborn I could be. And, honestly, he also knew it was the only thing we could do at that moment. Waiting for something better, a more solid plan, could take more time than we had. Meanwhile, all the spirits would continue their torment.

  Neither of us wanted that to happen.

  We walked home in silence after that. It was nice being able to return to the same place more than once. Even though nowhere was really safe anymore, the apartment did feel like the closest thing to it.

  I rested for the remainder of the night, knowing that anything could happen tomorrow.

  Especially when we were conjuring a demon.

  Chapter Four

  The smell of the paper I had stolen from the library book reminded me of my grandparents’ house. It was musty and just smelled… old. Like history itself had a scent all of its own. When combined with the hum of all the years it had survived, it felt like holding the past in my hands.

  The writing was cursive and all the letters were smushed together like they worried they would run out of space before they could finish the spell. It was an unfounded fear.

  According to the smushed up and hard to read letters, there were a number of ingredients I would need to conjure up the demon. While fire was the most important part of the spell, it required items that would help strengthen the call and assist in holding the demon before me.

  All the ingredients could be found in nature. Which was good considering no store would still exist that would sell them. Perhaps before the event, but no way now.

  So Oliver and I had risen with the sun and set off to get out of the city. We hoped to get through the more populated areas before the others awoke and hassled me. We both knew from recent experience there would be nothing Oliver could do if I was attacked.

  The problem with living in the city was all the concrete. Even the small parks that littered the streets weren’t enough to hold the ingredients we needed. To gather them, we needed to get right into the heart of the outdoors, which meant travelling miles to reach Lucien Forest just outside of the city.

  It was going to be a long day.

  Oliver walked beside me the whole way, his feet gliding effortlessly across the road. Now I knew he was a spirit, the telltale signs were obvious. I had been fooling myself before when I thought he was alive. He had put on a good show for me but I had deceived myself just as much as he had.

  We moved quietly, trying not to attract the attention of kids and spirits alike. Neither would let us pass without trouble.

  The highway was the loneliest stretch of our journey. There were no buildings, no people, no spirits. Just Oliver and me, plus a long stream of rusted cars. My eyes purposefully avoided looking through the windows of the vehicles. Each of them would have at least one dead body in them, twisted and decayed beyond recognition.

  It was mid-afternoon by the time we finally reached Lucien Forest. It was a place people from the city used to visit for hiking and to escape the noise of the modern age. Being lost in dense, tall trees could make someone forget all about the city.

  Stepping through the boundary of the forest, the temperature managed to drop even further. The canopy above barely allowed more than a speckle of light to reach the leaf-strewn ground. On the plus side, it also kept most of the snowflakes away.

  Finding the ingredients we needed was going to be nearly impossible. I wasn’t even entirely sure what the herbs looked like, my spotty mind had to recall information from science classes that I barely listened to.

  I thought I’d never need to use it.

  I was wrong.

  “Any ideas what we’re looking for?” I asked. Oliver just shrugged. So much for his help.

  We immediately started searching as we walked deeper and deeper into the embrace of the trees. It was so densely packed with foliage that seeing anything further than a few feet away was impossible.

  While Oliver passed through the bushes and ancient, fallen trees, I tripped over them. Being a transparent spirit was definitely an advantage in the forest.

  I kept my eyes on the ground, scanning for anything that could be one of the herbs and plants on our list. The winter season wasn’t helping and I feared everything we needed would be dead until springtime when the weather turned.

  But there was no other choice except to keep going. I had not wasted an entire day getting there only to turn around and return because it was all too hard. I would only have to come back again to finish what I started.

  In the distance, something rustled.

  My foot stopped mid-step as I strained to hear more. Oliver mirrored me, he must have heard the same thing I did.

  That wasn’t reassuring.

  A twig snapped. It wasn’t just our imagination. My eyes scanned
the trees surrounding us, searching for any hint of movement or indication about what was causing the noises.

  My mind hoped for a wild animal, but my heart was stopped, fearing it was something worse.

  Out of the corner of my eye, something dashed through two trees. It was small, not exactly human sized. That put my nerves a little at ease but didn’t allay my fears in full.

  I nodded toward where I had seen the movement, Oliver headed in that direction. He went bravely with the knowledge nobody except me could see him. Unless it was a spirit watching us, anyway.

  Another twig snapped and leaves rustled with movement from the opposite side. My head snapped around, desperate to see what had caused the noise.

  The tree branch was still moving but whatever had caused it had disappeared. My heart thundered in my chest as I tried to calm down. It had to be animals, nobody in their right mind would be staying so far outside the city.

  “Everly!” Oliver yelled. I caught sight of his panic stricken face before looking behind me just in time to see the attack.

  There were at least three of them.

  All were children no older than ten but with more savagery in their eyes than in any animal I had ever seen. They growled, a guttural noise that shook me down to the bones.

  And then they sprang.

  I turned and ran, my feet lashing through the forest floor while the bushes whipped around my legs. It would have been much more painful if I wasn’t wearing jeans. Suddenly I was acutely grateful for the cold weather.

  The trio chased after me, determined to catch up and grab me. I had no idea what they had planned for me then but I had no desire to stick around and find out either.

  Oliver was in front of me, scouting my escape route and helping me to change course if there was an easier path. I had to gasp for breath but I couldn’t slow down. The kids were so close behind me I could hear them panting for air.

  “I’m not here to hurt you,” I called out, trying desperately for any reprieve I could get.

  I didn’t really expect them to stop and agree that chasing me wasn’t necessary. I wasn’t disappointed. They growled in response like baby bears enjoying the anticipation of a capture.